Buffy: Vampires, demons... they're nothing compared to what's coming.
Dawn: I know. I just can't believe it's back.
Buffy: Believe me, I thought I was long past it. I guess you never are. Just a few more days 'til it starts,
and then we'll never know what's coming next.
~
Principal Robin Wood: It is my great pleasure and privilege to announce the official
opening, on the very ground that it first stood upon, of the brand-new, state-of-the-art,
Sunnydale High!
Willow: Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized swimming. Complete mystery to me.
Halfrek: No deaths, no eviscerations, you're not goading women into anything inventive, and you're not
delivering when it is.
Anya: I don't even know...
Halfrek: That waitress downtown wished her husband was a frog - you made him French.
Anya: He's smelly. And with a little mustache...
Buffy: This place is evil.
Principal Robin Wood: Tough to let 'em go, huh?
Buffy: Come on, what are you after? Fear? Revenge? Tasty brains?
Dead guy: I think I'd like Dawn to be my girlfriend.
Buffy: Again, wrong sister. I'm the one that dates dead guys. And, no offense, but they were hotties.
Warren/The First: Of course she won't understand, Sparky. I'm beyond her
understanding. She's a girl. Sugar and spice and everything...
useless. Unless you're baking. I'm more than that. More than
flesh.
Glory/The First: More than blood. I'm... you know, I honestly don't think
there's a human word fabulous enough for me. Oh, my name will
be on everyone's lips... assuming their lips haven't been torn off.
But not just yet. That's all right, though.
Adam/The First: I can be patient. Everything is well within parameters. She's
exactly where I want her to be. And so are you, Number 17.
You're right where you belong.
Mayor Wilkins/The First: So what'd you think? You'd get your soul back and everything
would be Jim Dandy? A soul's slipperier than a greased weasel.
Why do you think I sold mine? *laughs* Well, you probably
thought that you'd be your own man and I respect that. But you
never will.
Drusilla/The First: You'll always be mine. You'll always be in the dark with me,
singing our little songs. You like our little songs, don't you?
You've always liked them, right from the beginning. And that's
where we're going.
The Master/The First: Right back to the beginning. Not the Bang, not the Word. The
true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride
and I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in
the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck... if it hasn't
sunk in already. Look at you. Tried to do what's right. Just like
her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. Not about wrong..
Buffy/The First: It's about power.
Spike: We need to talk. Want to do that here, or privately?
Xander: I'm thinking here. In the company of good friends and pointy weapons.
Dawn: Spike, you sleep, right? You -- vampires -- you sleep?
Spike: Yeah, what's your point?
Dawn: Well, I can't take you in a fight or anything, even with the chip in your head. But you do sleep.
And if you hurt my sister at all, touch her... you're gonna wake up on fire.
Buffy: Anya, that thing you created burst through solid pavement and ate her dog.
Anya: Oh, a puppy!
Xander: Wait. That gets your sad noise? People's lives are in danger, and you give it up for the Yorkie?
Anya: Hands off the merchandise, Spike. We don't need to go there again.
Spike: Please, I've already forgotten about our little time together.
Nancy: I thought you were Xander's ex-girlfriend.
Anya: I am.
Nancy: But you and Spike...
Anya: Had a thing.
Spike: Didn't last.
Nancy: But weren't you Buffy...
Spike: Briefly.
Buffy: Never serious.
Nancy: Is there anyone here who hasn't slept together?
*Spike and Xander look at each other*
Spike: Just the beginning, love. A warm-up act. The real headliner's coming, and when that band hits the stage, all of this... all this... will come tumbling in death and screaming, horror and bloodshed. From beneath you, it devours.
Buffy: Spike, have you completely lost your mind?
Spike: Well, yes. Where have you been all night?
Buffy: You got your soul back. How?
Spike: It's what you wanted, right? It's what you wanted, right? And-and now everybody's in here, talking.
Everything I did, everyone I- and him. And it. The other... the thing... beneath... beneath you. It's here, too.
Everybody... they all just tell me go. Go... to hell.
Buffy: Why? Why would you do that?
Spike: Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man
who would nev- To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love.
He will be loved. So everybody's okay, right? C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?
Buffy: No skin.
Xander: Tough to look at.
Buffy: And yet my eyes refuse to look away. Stupid eyes.
Willow: Will you help me?
Anya: Is it difficult or time-consuming?
Buffy: It's pretty easy. Spike follows the exciting smell of blood, and we follow the fairly ripe smell
of Spike.
Dawn: It's smellementary.
Anya: I bet she's dying.
Buffy: She's not dying. She's just paralyzed.
Anya: Oh. Paralyzed how?
Xander: Paralyzed how? In the not-moving way.
Anya: Should I make her salute? That would be very cute.
Buffy: I didn't realize meditating was such hard work.
Willow: I'm healing -- growing new skin.
Buffy: Wow. That's magic, right? I mean, when most people meditate they don't get extra skin, right?
'Cause Clem should, like, cut back.
Dawn: We all deal with death.
Xander: This girl isn't just dealing, she's giving death a long, sloppy word kiss.
She has a yen for the big dirt nap.
Boy: Who are you?
Spike: I'm a bad man.
Cassie: She'll tell you. Some day she'll tell you.
Buffy: See, you can make a difference.
Cassie: And you will.
Townswoman: It's the biggest troll I've ever seen!
Townsman: Run! Hide your babies and your beadwork!
Olaf: Stop! It's Olaf!
Townsman: The troll is doing an Olaf impersonation!
Olaf: I am Olaf!
Townsman: Hit him with fruits and various meats!
Xander: This isn't new ground for us. When our friends go all crazy and start killing people, we help them.
Willow: Sitting right here!
Xander: You think we haven't all seen this before? The part where you just cut us all out? Just step
away from everything human and act like you're the law? If you knew what I...
Buffy: I killed Angel. Do you even remember that? I would've given up everything I had to be with- I loved him
more than I will ever love anything in this life and I put a sword through his heart because I had to.
Willow: And that all worked out okay.
Buffy: Do you remember cheering me on? The both of you? Do you remember giving me Willow's message?
'Kick his ass'?
Willow: I never said that...
Xander: This is different.
Buffy: It is always different. It's always complicated. And at some point someone has to draw the line and that
is always going to be me. You-you get down on me for cutting myself off, and in the end the slayer is always cut off.
There's no mystical guide book, no all knowing council. Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law.
Xander: There has to be another way.
Buffy: Then please find it.
D'Hoffryn: Behold D'Hoffryn, lord of Arashmaharr, he that turns the air to blood and rains... Miss Rosenberg. How lovely to see you again. Have you done something with your hair?
Anya: This is getting to be a pattern with you, Buffy. Are there any friends of yours left you haven't tried to kill?
Buffy: I think he likes you.
Dawn: Really? Tell me what he said about me, every word, including intonation and facial expressions.
Dawn: Stop! You're not supposed to do this.
Buffy: Why? Because he's younger than me? You know, I'm extremely youthful and peppy.
Willow: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love-spell spell I can find.
Anya: Even if you found the right one, guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love-spell spell... spell.
Willow: What?
Willow: But you don't even know him!
Anya: Yes I do! I looked into him and I saw his soul.
Willow: He was walking away! So unless his soul is in his ass...
Buffy: Willow, you're a gay woman! And he isn't!
Willow: This isn't about his physical presence. It's about his heart.
Anya: His physical presence has a penis!
Willow: I can work around it!
Buffy: Oh! I'll kill the principal.
Anya: Oh, that is hard to top.
Willow: Yeah? Well, I have skills. I can prove my love with magic.
Anya: That's right. What are you gonna do, use magic to make him into a girl? ...Damn!
Xander: That, my friends, is the smell of sweet, sweet victory.
Anya: Also, burning poly-cotton blend.
Buffy: Xander, be honest. You didn't, you know, think about slipping that jacket on just a little bit?
Xander: I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it didn't fit.
Xander: Welcome to the Hellmouth, where even outerwear isn't safe.
Buffy: So, what have you been up to?
Holden Webster: Oh well, apparently, dying.
Holden Webster: Hey, you remember Jason Wheeler? You know, Crazy Jay?
Buffy: Oh, yeah.
Holden Webster: He always had that schtick, "Oh, I'm crazy, I'm crazy!"
Buffy: How is he?
Holden Webster: Crazy. He's been in the chronic ward since graduation.
Holden Webster: Scott Hope said you were gay.
Buffy: What?! I dated that ringworm!
Holden Webster: He says that about every woman he breaks up with. And then, last year,
big surprise, he comes out.
Buffy: Men. Do I know how to pick 'em?
Holden Webster: I mean, I was afraid to talk to you in high school, and now we're, like, mortal enemies.
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we became nemeses?
Buffy: Is that how you say the word?
Holden Webster: Buffy, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you.
Willow: "From beneath you, it devours."
The first/Cassie: Oh, not it. Me.
Spike: Anya, do be specific and tell a fellow just exactly what you're doing here.
Anya: Well, Spike... I'm here, obviously... for... um, sex.
Spike: Uh, beg pardon?
Anya: You and me. Here and now. Let's go! Let's get it on, you big, bad boy!
Spike: Wait, wait, Anya, just a minute, this is not exact-- Is that a stake?
Anya: Yes. Kinky.
Anya: I got it. No problem, I understand. You think I'm fat!
Spike: What?
Anya: Well, it's either that or the haircut.
Spike: Ridiculous. The 'do's quite fetching.
Anya: All I'm saying is soulless Spike would have had me upside down and halfway to happy-land by now.
Buffy: I'm looking for this guy. Bleach-blond hair, leather jacket, British accent, kind of... sallow?
But in a hot way?
Bouncer: Yeah, yeah, I know the guy. Billy Idol wanna-be?
Buffy: Actually, Billy Idol stole his look from...
Buffy: I think I need to get him some blood.
Willow: Do you want me to kill Anya?
Andrew: I'd like 12 pork chops, 2 pounds of sausage, 8 quarts of pig's blood, 3 steaks, um, halibut,
and uh, some toothpaste...
Butcher: This is a butcher shop, neo. We don't sell toothpaste.
Andrew: Um, okay, just the other stuff, then.
Willow: I'm talking! Don't interrupt me! Insignificant man. I am Willow. I am death. If you dare defy me, I will call down my fury, exact fresh vengeance, and make your worst fears come true. Okay?
Xander: (about Anya)Well, then she tore out his intestines and rubbed it in his face and took pictures of it.
Andrew: My god!
Xander: But she's downstairs now.
Buffy: Giles, this is bad, isn't it? A new kind of bad.
Giles: Just in time for Christmas.
Buffy: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home we should decorate the rubble.
Drusilla/The first: Then we can fly, be free and visit all our friends as they come squirming up from out the earth.
I know you like a good wriggle, and a giggle, and a squiggle.
Spike: You're not Drusilla.
Drusilla/The first: No, I'm really not.
Spike: She was crazier than you.
Andrew: Okay, I know what you're thinking: "Andrew, bad guy." You think I'm a super-villain like Dr. Doom or
Apocalypse or the Riddler. But I admit I went over to the dark side, but just to pick up a few things,
and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again.
Buffy: And when were you ever good before?
Andrew: Okay, technically, never. Touché. But I'm like Vader in the last five minutes of Jedi, with redemptive powers of...
mine is a redemptive struggle... of... epic redemption... which chronicles... These ropes itch.
Drusilla/The first: You're alive for one reason, and one reason only. Because I wish it. Do you know why I wish
it? Because I'm not done with you.
Spike: Give it up. Whatever you are, whatever you get away with, I'm out. You can't pull this puppet's
strings anymore.
Drusilla/The first: And what makes you think you have a choice? What makes you think you will ever be any
good at all in this world?
Spike: She does. Because she believes in me.
Buffy: You're right. We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. We can't run, can't hide,
can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is. Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten
them back, but we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The
First.
Giles: Buffy, I—I-I know you're tired.
Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole.
And it'll choke on me. We're not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we
always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now.
'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them
out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And
I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that's us. Any questions?
Rona: (About Andrew)Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?
Xander: The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"
Anya: Don't be so dramatic, Torg. You don't even have a heart. Six spleens, two stomachs, half a
brain maybe, but no heart.
Torg: Don't mock this. The night we spent together was...important to me.
Anya: It was one date. And it wasn't even a date. We just happened to be invited to the
same massacre, and - and you hit on me after I had a few...
Torg: I remember, you wore pink.
Anya: Those were entrails.
Buffy: So, I'm here to tell you, if you try anything, try to run - Did you ever see the movie Misery?
Andrew: Six times. But the book was scarier than the movie 'cause instead of crushing his foot with a sledge
hammer, Kathy Bates chops it off with - I'll be good.
Buffy: We need to stick together, okay? We're stronger that way. We cannot afford to fall apart now.
Andrew: She's right. Where would the Justice League have been if they hadn't put their differences aside to
stop the Imperium and his shape-shifting alien horde?
Buffy: Don't help me.
Willow: Last time I tried using magic... the First, it turned it around on me, got inside. I felt it surging
through me, every fibre of my being, pure undiluted evil. I could taste it.
Kennedy: How's evil taste?
Willow: A little chalky.
Xander: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight
and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night.
I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary.
Dawn: Maybe that's your power.
Xander: What?
Dawn: Seeing, knowing.
Xander: Maybe it is... Maybe I should get a cape.
Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. We'll hit serious research mode—
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: Okay. You're right. Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna call?
Spike: God, that phrase is never gonna be usable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.
Giles: Gah!
Xander: Touch him!
Dawn: I feel him! I feel him!
Xander: Me too.
Andrew: Me too!
Giles: Yes. Good. We all feel each other. Including those of us who don't really know each other well enough to
take such liberties. I assume there's a perfectly reasonable and not-at-all insane explanation coming, yes?
Anya: We thought you might be non-corporeal evil.
Dawn: We got a call. We couldn't remember you touching anything.
Xander: We had to make sure you were okay. We were worried.
Giles: Oh. That's very sweet. Now, wait a minute - you think I'm evil... if I bring a group of girls on a camping
trip and *don't* touch them?
Soldier: Miss Summers! Agent Finn reported that you tried to contact him earlier today.
Buffy: I knew it! *whispers to Spike* Government conspiracy.
Soldier: He indicated you might be needing our assistance. We're to provide you anything you need to help
Ass-Face here.
*Spike and Buffy stare at him*
Soldier: Those were his exact words, ma'am.
Xander: Guys, guess what happened.
Willow: Buffy got a date!
Xander: No, I did! Fine, way to steal my thunder.
Buffy: Sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First.
Xander: Also like ten years older than you, right?
Willow: Which is like 100 years younger than your type!
Buffy: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the industrial revolution.
Buffy: So, y-you didn't hire me for my counseling skills?
Principal Wood: *laughs heartily, then sees Buffy* They're valuable too.
Jonathan/The First: Did you find the gun?
Andrew: Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things.
Jonathan/The First: Show me.
Andrew: Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants -
Jonathan/The First: *annoyed* Show me the gun.
Andrew: Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I'm gonna work for you, like, uh,
kryptonite or allergies?
Jonathan/The First: What are you asking?
Andrew: Oh, nothing, um... Are you - are
you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so if everyone was unconscious
at the same time, you would fade away?
Jonathan/The First: You're asking a lot of questions.
Andrew: Yes, well, I, uh, because... 'cause I'm evil, and I want to do the best I can
at that, so I want to... know stuff like when - when do we kill Buffy?
Jonathan/The First: Are you wearing a wire?
Willow: No, it's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals.
Amanda: Signals?
Willow: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I
just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me."
Kennedy: You don't remember which?
Willow: It was a long time ago.
Willow: Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, Buffy, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are
really coming along. "Bring it on!"
Buffy: Will, it's okay, he knows.
Willow: Oh, thank God. If I had to explain all these weapons? I had nothing.
Buffy: Oh I don't know. It's just... The First is coming... and look at us, the army! We've got a bunch of fighters with nothing to hit, a wicca who won't-a, and the brains of our operation wears oven mitts.
Xander: Well, yeah, but only because you kinda told us to. You're our leader, Buffy, as in "follow the".
Buffy: Well, from now on, I'm your leader as in "do what I say".
Xander: Jawohl. But let's not try to forget, we're also your friends.
Anya: I'm not.
Buffy: Then why are you here? Aside from getting rescued, what is that you do?
Anya: I provide much needed... sarcasm.
Xander: Um... that'd kinda be my job actually.
Anya: You missed her "everyone sucks but me" speech. If she's so superior, let her find her own way back.
Andrew: Buffy and Spike have some kind of history: you can feel the heat between them. Although, technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature.
Amanda: If we don't save the world, then... nothing matters.
Kennedy: That's catchy, Amanda. Let's make that our slogan.
Andrew: *Filming the room where Willow and Kennedy are passionately kissing on the sofa* Hey, here's something I think you're going to be interested in, gentle viewers. *Zooms in on the window behind the sofa* Look at the fine work Xander did on that replacing that window sash. You can't even tell it's new, it blends in so well. He's extraordinary.
Spike: I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face.
Would you sod off before I rip your throat out and eat y-
Andrew: Uh, Spike? The light was kind of behind you.
Spike: Oh, right. Uh... What, is this better, then? -- I thought I told you to piss off with that bloody camera;
here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off -?
Buffy: Are you still filming me? Stop.
Andrew: But it's a valuable record. An important document for the ages. "A Slayer in Action."
Buffy: "A Nerd in Pain." Would they like that? We could do that.
Buffy: When your blood pours out it might save the world. What do you think about that? Does it buy it all back?
Are you redeemed?
Andrew: No.
Buffy: Why not?
Andrew: Because I killed him. Because I listened to Warren, and I pretended I thought it was him, but I knew-I knew
it wasn't. And I killed Jonathan. And now you're gonna kill me. And I'm scared, and I'm going to die. And this-this
is what Jonathan felt.
Andrew: Faith. Her name alone invokes awe... Faith. A set of principles or beliefs on which you are willing
to devote your life... The dark slayer... A lethal combination of beauty, power, and death... For years and years -
or to be more accurate - months, Faith fought on the side of good, terrorizing the evil community... But like so many
tragic heroes, Faith was seduced by the lure of the dark side... She wrapped evil around her like a large, evil Mexican
serape... She became a cold-blooded killer... Nobody was immune to her trail of destruction... Not friends, not
family...
Andrew: Not even the most pacifist and logical of races...
*Faith fighting a Vulcan - very like Spock in Star Trek - in a cave*
Amanda: What the hell are you talking about? I thought Faith killed a volcanologist.
Andrew: Silly, silly... Amanda. Why would Faith kill a person who studies Vulcans?
Amanda: He studied volcanoes. He was a professor.
Andrew: Ah, yes. Well, regardless...
Spike: You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you. And dead alot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine. And done things I prefer you didn't. Don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood... which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred-plus years. And there's only one thing I've ever been sure of. You.... Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When i say I love you, it's not because I want you. Or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you *are*. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a *hell* of a woman. You're the One, Buffy.
Anya: There was this other apocalypse this one time. And I took off. But this time...
Andrew: What's different?
Anya: Well, I was kinda new to being around humans before. And now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people,
seen what they're capable of and I realize now that they're just so... amazingly... screwed up. I mean, so really,
really screwed up in a monumental fashion.
Andrew: Oh.
Anya: They have no purpose that unites them so they drift around, blundering through life until they die. Which they know
is coming and yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking beyond what
they want at that moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane, but here's the thing. When it's something real,
they fight. I mean, they're lame morons to keep fighting. But they do. They... They never quit. And so I guess I'll fight
too.
Angel: I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me.
Buffy: You're not getting the brush off. Are you just going to come here and go all Dawson on me every time
I have a boyfriend?
Angel: Aha! Boyfriend.
Buffy: He's not! But he is in my heart.
Angel: That'll end well.
Buffy: And what was the highlight of our relationship? The time you broke up with me or the time I killed you?
Buffy: I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking yet. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm
supposed to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and one day, I'll turn around and
realize, I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then if I want someone to eat m-er, to enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then
that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy- do I have to go with the cookie analogy?
Buffy: I don't really think that far ahead. That's kind of the point.
Angel: I'll start working on that second front. Make sure I don't have to use it.
Buffy: Angel. I do. Sometimes, think that far ahead.
Angel: Sometimes is something.
Buffy: It'd be a long time coming. Years, if ever.
Angel: I ain't getting any older.
Buffy/The First: Into every generation, a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. She alone will have
the strength and skill to... There's that word again. What you are. How you'll die... alone. Where's your snappy
comeback?
Buffy: You're right.
Buffy/The First: Hmm. Not your best.
Buffy: I hate this. I hate being here. I hate that you have to be here. I hate that there's evil and I've been chosen to fight it. I wish a whole lot of the time that I hadn't been. I know a lot of you wish I hadn't been either. This isn't about wishes. It's about choices. I believe we can beat this evil. Not when it comes. Now when its army is ready. Now. Tomorrow morning I'm opening the seal. I'm going down into the Hellmouth and I'm finishing this once and for all. Right now you're asking yourself what makes this different. What makes us more than a bunch of girls being picked off one by one? It's true. None of you have the power that Faith and I do. So here's the part where you make a choice.
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No, you don't. But thanks for sayin' it.